I’m going to a Halloween party today! Yaaaay! Haven’t been to one since I was 8. I’m going to be a vintage Zombie, wearing one of my dad’s old suit jackets! This is going to be so much fun. In Germany practically nobody does Halloween, so this is a big deal for me. 😀
Archive for October, 2009
What do you make wishes on? My list holds the traditional things: birthday cake candles, shooting stars, ladybugs, four leaf clover. There are the whimsical things: first star I see tonight, full moon, rainbow. Lots of animal sightings warrant a wish: whale, dolphin, iguana, sea turtle. And lastly, some German things: a passing chimney sweep, a fallen eyelash.
Sara and I went our favourite Italian restaurant the other night to pick up some pizzas. There, positioned in the corner amongst the coats and umbrellas, was a new synthesizer and keyboard player serenading the customers with a selection of sad love songs. The boss comes over and asks us what we think… I try to be complimentary in my praise… the waiter then comes over and confides to us that the keyboard player is the saddest person he ever met, there’s no getting a smile out of him, he and the crew have tried everything… even putting paprika in his drink… nothing.
We are travelling across the US these days. As a Canadian (who by rights looks down on the US), tis been the most amazing journey. The landscapes, the people along the way, the spirit of places has all amazed. Places, like Texas, came with a forgone conclusion, and have ended with a 180 degree view of said conclusion.
Striped dahlia taken at Jardin des Plantes on a sunny day
Hoping I’ll be forgiven for not posting or visiting for such a long time. But I have been quite busy thinking of packing… Off to New Delhi tomorrow, where it will probably be very hot.
We are on the road to California across the US. Hit the south, and Tennessee yesterday. As we were shopping for some bread and staples at a Truck stop, with all the weird and odd people that come with it, specially in the deep south… Sarah McLachlan came blasting over the loudspeakers. Which all added to the sureal feeling of it.
Charlotte, a wonderful writer (and a dear friend) is writing a series of blog posts all headed with a letter of the alphabet. After reading her brilliant post this morning, G is for Girlhood, I asked her whether she would be so kind and let us post it here. She’s kindly consented. Do enjoy. To all us girls, both young and old…
Being a girl was about aching for something that was always just out of reach. I existed in a state of longing for something indefinable, of permanent languid dissatisfaction. I was always stretching out, grabbing, then discarding what I had touched. I wanted the next best thing, not the thing I had.
Girlhood was about never being happy in my skin. My body was all wrong. I longed for longer legs, better skin, a smaller bum. I longed for slow, rapturous kisses that would make me forget myself. I longed to melt.
Girlhood was about waiting for the right boy to come along. I ached for a soul-mate and found him in all the wrong places. When boys did turn up, I longed for someone cooler, older, more mature. I longed for a man.
Girlhood was about never finding the right food to eat. I longed for ice-cream, then tuna, then bread and butter, then chocolate, then roast chicken, then milk with Milo. Food came and went, but never in satisfying combinations.
Girlhood was about always dreaming about being somewhere else. If I was at school, I longed to be at home. At home, I ached for my friends. With my friends, I wanted to be with a certain boy. With that boy, I wished I were at home with a book. While reading, I thought of my father.
It was a time of extremes, of being too hot, too cold, too lazy, too over-excited, too silly, too irritable, too focused, too pent-up.
I thought a lot about clothes, but they were always wrong. Whatever I wore was never as good as what that girl wore. I flipped through magazines, ached for Farah hair, Christy legs, Jodie eyes. The clothes I finally bought were dissatisfying: too tight, too loose, too short, too long, too preppy, too Gothic, too old, too new. I longed for one perfect dress.
I felt as if I couldn’t talk very well. I never seemed to say what I meant, hard though I tried. Words blocked in my throat so I stayed silent. There was so much to say. I longed to say it well. I felt as if I couldn’t. I inhibited myself.
When I was a girl, I wanted to please. So badly. I wanted to please so badly that I did things I regretted. I put others before myself, their needs before mine. I pushed my own needs down until I exploded.
To girls, I say:
Find your voice and be proud to use it.
Put your needs first.
Please yourself, not boys.
Love your body.
Live in the moment.
Find and do the thing that makes you forget yourself, that makes your heart sing.
Never stop looking for one perfect dress.